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Biggest Takeaways You Don’t Want to Miss:
- After you start to hear God leading you to start, fear of failure can limit you.
- Learning how to overcomer the fear of failure is an important aspect of living purposefuly
- Stay in God’s presence to get more clarity and confidence against fear
- Share your vision with those who can keep you accountable
- Read and study about others that have done what you want to do
“For the LORD will be your confidence, And will keep your foot from being caught.”
Proverbs 3:26 NKJVQuestion: “What about you? What’s the big challenge out there that you are trusting God to overcome for you?”
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Ep. 38 Transcripts: How to overcome the fear of failure
Preamble: False start…[both laugh]
Olu: You’re very welcome again to Like Jesus Podcast. This is Olu Sobanjo. Today, I have with me my husband, Ade Sobanjo. Even though he’s far away from me, we are doing this recording via the Internet. I’m so excited today because he’s usually the tech-guy and I’m the follower but he’s not around and I’m making this happen. So, I’m so excited to have you, Ade on the phone. Why don’t you say your usual hello to the people?
Ade: [laughs] Hello everyone.
Olu: [laughs] Thank you very much. So today, what we want to discuss is something I believe is dear to many people; something that a lot of people are maybe dealing with.
Last week and over the past few episodes, we’ve been talking about the fact that you need to be in the presence of God in order to be who God wants you to be. You need to take time to actually listen to Him. Also last week, I gave out the quiet time resource that I use personally, as promised. I’m getting a lot of feedback from people about that. Thank you for your feedback and always remember to let us know what you need and how we can answer some of the questions that you may have.
Alright! After talking about the fact that we need to hear from God, I know that some of us are already listening, hearing from God and spending the time to hear what God is saying to us. But, there is one thing that may be standing in the way and it’s the fear of failure. So today we are going to be addressing, ‘How to overcome the fear of failure.’ ‘How to overcome the fear of failure’
I have my husband here because he’s one person that I’ve seen grow. I have seen him start out many things. I’ve seen him start out God’s work and doing different things. I know that there may be some things that I didn’t even know and so I want to ask him a few questions. I’m going to share as well, some of the fears that I had starting out anything.
So, Ade, I’m going to be asking you.
When you were going into ministry – when you started overcomers, what were your greatest fears? What were some of the things – the fear that was holding you back before you actually stepped out to start overcomers?
Ade: Thank you for the opportunity to share with everyone, with your listeners and even from this good distance.
Thinking about the fears, I think the greatest fear then was just knowing that it was time to go out and do what God had put in my heart to do. I always had this desire to serve God with everything that I’ve got and I was always dreaming that I’d be a minister who’d also be a business person. So, when I began to sense that God wanted me to plant a church with you, one of the things that really scared me was just being sure that it was God that was speaking to me and also being sure that this thing God is telling me to do would actually come out the way he wanted me to do it. That was the biggest fear – just being very sure that this is God.
There were other ones. Maybe I should mention one of them.
Olu: Yeah. You can go ahead.
Ade: Another thing was that I didn’t know what to expect; who would be our congregation – the people we’d be ministering to?
Before then, I was already pastoring as an assistant pastor – a youth pastor in another church. So I was wondering, what would the church God was calling me to plant look like? Who are the people that’d be there? Who would believe that the Lord actually had spoken to me and what would the future or rather, the process look like? I knew what the future would look like but I wondered what the process would look like.
Olu: Thank you for sharing with us. From what you’re saying, I can imagine you are… I mean I know you so I know that you are that kind of a person who understands what God wants you to do and the bulk of the fear was more [if I know you very well] failing God than failing people.
Ade: Yes
Olu: But for somebody like me, one of the biggest fear that I’ve had is actually failing people. It’s interesting that some people have been like that – people actually matter to you much more than God.
I remember I used to read the story of Joseph and how he’d say, “How could I do such a thing before God.” I’d look at it and say, “Well, we’re always doing different things against God. It’s people that I won’t want to do things in front of them.” It’s just interesting that some of us may be like that – people’s opinions matter to you much more than God’s opinion. So, God may actually be telling you, do this and you feel like, “You know what? I don’t know what people are going to say.” I believe all of us have this subtle fear in there, that we don’t want to fail in front of people but this was my own major idea.
I remember when I was going to write my first book. One of the first things that would happen is that I’d sit down and plan it, beautify it, write and do all I could because I didn’t want it to come out and people would say, I’m a failure or I’m stupid. My major concern was, what would people think? And the performance keeps going in that direction. When I was going to start this podcast, that was another process again for me – I had to go through the same cycle again. You need to just realize that when God is actually telling you to do something, even though it may not look like anything serious, it doesn’t matter.
So, that was my own big fear which was how do I continue to prove to people that I’m not a stupid fellow? That was one fear that I had and it’s mainly around the fear of failure.
Did you want to add something to what I said?
Ade: I think in some things I had that fear too. For example the writing. That’s why you’d see that I’ve not written as many books as I could have. This is because I don’t have the same kind of assurance or clarity that I have when I want to do some other things. So for writing, I know that this book would be good to write or it’d be good to capture the message that God has given me so that people can access it. However, I know that it’s not my area of strength – I don’t have the kind of skill that I think I’m supposed to have. Then, what happens is that I don’t have the motivation to just jump in.
Olu: That’s true. That’s true!
Ade: So, things that I’m not so sure about, I don’t jump into it fast and I don’t do it. But when I have clarity about something, then I just go ahead.
So one thing I’m discovering from what you are saying is that maybe when someone is getting an instruction in an area where they are not too sure about, then there will be a lot of doubting…
Olu: That’s true.
Ade: …but once you are clear and you know that there is that strength there in that area, then it’s not as difficult.
Olu: Yeah! You’re right.
In another episode, we are going to talk about how to identify your strengths. I believe that it’s easier when you start with the giftings that God has actually given to you. Identifying some of the key things that God has given you. Also in another episode soon, we’re going to address that and see, how did I identify and recognize that 1,2,3 are the things that I have – that I can start with. God is definitely the one that’s going to guide each of us into it. It’s just making sure that fear doesn’t hold us back because there’s a way fear can make you sit down.
Now, a lot of times, all we do is we rationalize the fear, “Oh! It’s because this person has not given me this… Oh! Because I’m waiting for that…” but really if you dig deeper, you’d realize that it’s some version of a fear of failure. And we must get together the point where we overcome that.
Back to where we started from which is, “God is speaking to me, I hear what God is saying to me and then I have this fear.” We’ve been able to identify some of these fears that each of us had while we were going to start.
The question that I’d like to ask you next Ade is,
How did you overcome this fear – the fear of not wanting to fail God and being accurately sure that it’s God that’s speaking to you? How did you overcome them?
Ade: Well, the way that I did that was to spend more time in prayer and just continue to take my time listening. I didn’t jump into it for the first 1 or 2 months that the thoughts started coming in. I took my time, shared with you also and we waited for a while until I was kind of sure. So, I think that’s a major part of what we need to do – just fine-tuning our direction from God. Because this is going to change the way we do our lives and people’s lives are going to depend on some of the things we are going to be doing.
Another thing is that I went back to school to study and get a degree first in pastoral ministry, then a bachelor’s degree in theology and I kept on studying. I had already started the process and I still went on to get a masters’ degree. But, one of the things that I’d like to say is that in order to overcome some of those fears of failure, we need to get to understand that we have some strengths in that area. Even if you don’t have it, you can study. You can take a course to strengthen that area and you can also get mentors.
So what I did was this: I had mentors around me who were doing exactly the same thing and I talked to some other pastors who were doing something similar. Most importantly, I bought myself some biographies and I went on the internet and read a lot of biographies. I was always scouting for testimonies of pastors who started churches. I listened to a lot of video testimonies to strengthen my heart to know that I’m not the first person to do that.
Olu: Thank you very much.
As you were talking, I just remembered one of the fears that I used to have. The way it limited me a lot was that many times, I’d get something in my spirit that I’m supposed to be doing and I keep it to myself because the moment I share it with you… You know, you are the runner. The moment you know God has said it, you want to run and start doing while I’m still trying to figure it out. In my own way of still trying to not fail, I’m still trying to be careful.
I remember one day I told you, I said,
“I’m not going to share my ideas with you again because the moment I share them with you, you start running and I’m not ready yet. Take it easy with me…”
I think that one of the ways that I’ve overcome this fear is actually by sharing it with you. One of the ways we can all overcome fears is to share. You may need to find somebody trustworthy, somebody, that you can share your ideas with and they are not going to make you feel like you are stupid. It brings some kind of accountability. This should come after you’ve gone back over and over again to clarify with God and you’re saying, “Lord, is it really true that you want to do this?” When you’ve sensed that it’s going to be, you then begin to ask yourself or rather tell yourself that, I want to tell another person that I’m going to be accountable to. I find that this has helped me a lot.
When I was going to do this, it was actually an understanding and the fact that I was able to share with you [my husband], discuss with you then we began to go back and forth. When I was able to do my book, conference and other different things that I do, it was the same thing. I know it was what God is putting in my heart to do then I share it with you and some other people. It encourages me to know that my feet are out there now and I can’t go back anymore. And if there is some clarification that needs to still come, then I still go back and clarify with God but I share with another person.
Ade: Yeah. There are some things that I did then that helped me.
What I did was that I’d always imagine the future. I have that grace that God has given to me that allows me to see where the thing is going to. So, it pumps me up so to say. Every day till today, I can see how far the ministry will go, things that will happen and I dream about them. I visualize them – I can see them. They are clear to me even though they are not clear to the people around me but to me, I can see. While I’m in today, I’m eager to see tomorrow; I’m eager to see those things manifest. So, putting that in my mind every day got me to be so pumped up about the future that I now didn’t realize how dangerous what I was doing was. How big it was.
When I look back now, I’m amazed at the kind of risks we took. But I think how I wasn’t aware of how big the risks were, was that I was so conscious of how much God wanted to do it.
Olu: Amen!
Recently, I got this understanding, people (listeners), that there are some people that have mastered the art of seeing the future. One of the reasons why I used to have the fear of sharing my ideas with my husband – not that I won’t share with you, and you know this… it’s not that I won’t share with him but the questions that he’s going to be asking me are so strong and intellectual – all these things that I don’t want to think that way; I don’t want to go far in my thinking just yet. I want to just realize that it’s perfect for this moment and I move on. I realized that recently that it’s a great tool to have – a great skill – thing that each person needs to understand if you are going to actually follow purpose and go far. It’s not just about starting. It’s about starting with the end in mind – knowing where it’s going.
Now, you may not have the clear end in mind but you know where it’s going to and that’s why also we have one another. You have people around you that are not so careful about today. What they want to know is where is that going to lead to. I see that happen in marriages a lot. One spouse will come and bring this beautiful picture of what we should do and the other spouse is like, “Okay, where is that going to lead us?” And I find that many times, this even can cause a spouse to be limited because you feel as though the other person is always killing your ideas, limiting you or never agreeing with what you are saying… It’s very important that you know that God brought that person into your life to help you in some ways. Now, it might not be a spouse, it might be a brother, sister, a friend, a business partner or someone else. It’s very important that you pass the message across to them and just hear what they want to say. Then you go back to God and clarify some more. I just feel like I should add that to it.
Our time is far spent and I think I may still ask one last question,
“When you were going to start, where you extremely sure before you started? Where you certain and extremely sure that this is what God wants me to do or were there any doubts?”
Ade: I was more like 80% sure. I think with God, it’s always between 50-80% sure. If it’s less than 50%, I won’t even try it. But once it’s beyond 50% and I’m trying to push it away and it’s not going away. Rather it keeps coming back, I discuss with you and you don’t think it’s totally bizarre, wrong and ungodly. And, I share a bit of it with some other people in my spiritual circle. If they don’t think it’s strange, I keep on praying about it and it becomes stronger. Once I get to that 80%, I begin to move.
I don’t think it can be 100% because for it to be 100%, you’re trying to say that you can’t make any mistake. We are humans. I always like to leave that room that maybe I desire certain things and that’s why I’m thinking this way. And that’s why I always like to share a bit of anything I’m doing. I don’t share the whole picture with one person because sometimes, you don’t want to outrun – just leave it out there because you are not sure yet. I kind of give a hint to mentors, people that I respect their judgment, and people who have no clue about who I am so that they are not pushed or influenced in any way. I get those things filtered just to confirm that I’m not hearing strange things before I take that action.
Now, there are some important things I’d have loved us to discuss probably not in this episode because I didn’t do these things alone. You were there. Maybe it’s good for you to explore your own fears to some other time.
What were your fears following someone who seemed to be sure of what they were doing?
There’s one thing that I did and I think of it and it helps people. While I was thinking humongous things – thinking of the big future, I was also sure that we were going to start small. So, starting small helps you a lot not to be afraid of failure because if you fail small, there’s nothing to be afraid of.
I remember when we were going to rent the first place to have our first service, the fact was that both our own money that we were giving to God as tithe was enough to pay the rent and so, there’s little failure there. Seeing the face of people saying, “Oh! you started and you didn’t go ahead…”, that doesn’t bother me. The failure I was thinking of or rather that would have bothered me was; if we never took off.
Olu: Thank you very much. Thank you very much. You’re right and I think we’d definitely do an episode of what was it like for me following you – going along with you when you knew where God was leading you to. Definitely, we’d do that at another time.
Our time is far spent now but I’m going to ask you to please pray for our listeners. Maybe there’s someone there that God is already speaking to them and they are still scared of starting. Just speak into that, however, God is going to lead you.
Ade: Father, we thank you so much for this time and for everyone that has been listening to this episode of the podcast. I pray for those who at this time are beginning to hear you speak to them to do one thing or the other; for those who you are fine-tuning their lives and beginning to tell them to let go of certain things so they can focus on some other things and at this point, they are scared. They don’t know if it’s you speaking or if it’s going to work out the way they are thinking in their minds now. Lord, I pray for more clarity and boldness. I pray that you send people their way who will be able to speak into these areas of their lives and train in a way that would make them become more excellent at what they are doing.
I pray O God for great wisdom and great strength in the place of prayer. Great wisdom to know what to do, where to start and how to start. Lord, I ask for everyone who’s listening, no matter what their challenges are, I pray for victory and great grace. In Jesus name.
Both: Amen
Olu: Alright listeners, thank you very much. The question that I’m going to ask today is
“What about you? What’s the big challenge out there that you are trusting God to overcome for you?”
You can send your response in an email, via WhatsApp or as a comment here on the website, anyhow so we can know how we can be praying along with you. On olusobanjo.com, the e-book on Effective quiet time guide is still available for giveaway. If you know anyone that needs it, tell them to register on the website, put their name and email address and confirm. They’d get a confirmation email from me to confirm their subscription. Then they get the book. If you’ve not subscribed yet, go over to the website and subscribe.
Bye for now.