Having a vision for your life is very important but with an approval-craving mentality, you likely wouldn’t reach your fullest potentials. I know many who are aware of the great plans that God has for them but to a large extent have been limited. In this series we will be looking at different limiting beliefs, the symptoms to look out for and how to overcome them. This is the first in the series.
As you may already know I am a recovering people pleaser and that means I can relate to this topic very well.
I used to have a really bad stomach ulcer. In May of 2012, I was getting ready for our annual ladies conference VGC, the pain was so bad. I needed to drive 3 hours from Kingston to Montreal and was doubting how.
That morning when the pain started and I made a comment to my hubby, I said; “this pain is getting out of hands, I think I really need to fast and pray about this pain it really has to go”. His response brought me insights into the depth of my issues. He said, “you don’t need to fast and pray or you need to stand on the victory you have already in Christ”. Wow! that’s true, how come I never thought about it that way? Christ already paid bought me freedom from diseases, but then I still had it.
At my hotel room that night I tried to pray but the pain was just too much. Toms didn’t help, even the prescription meds didn’t work. As the host pastor for the conference, I wasn’t even sure I could lead the women the next morning based on the way I felt, but somehow I went for the conference by faith the next day and it was a great time with the ladies. We drove back that night because I was scheduled to travel to Nigeria the next day with the boys and so we did.
As soon as I landed in Nigeria the pain was gone, you won’t believe that I didn’t even look for the pills at all through my trip for almost 3 weeks. I got back to Kingston however and there it was again.
That was only when I began to connect the dots. The ulcer was stress related. I began to notice that when I had to minister or had so much on my schedule, the intensity of the pain increased. I also noticed that relating to some certain people intensified the pain. This was an epiphany for me. I also noticed that meeting with a certain set of individuals developed more tension and stress in me.
Who were these people, those that I thought didn’t like me for who I was. For some reason, when I meet people, depending on how the meeting went, I could somehow deduce that they didn’t like me. I am sure you are wondering…some either because I noticed they were trying to get me to behave in some ways, others because they volunteered an advice I didn’t ask for or they didn’t seem to care about me. In a nutshell, it was people that didn’t give me the approval I wanted. Sadly but true.
So I used to get stressed going to be in close proximity to them. Right before such meetings, I was stressed worrying about what to say and what not to say. I was consumed about appearing smart before these people that I was no longer free to be me. I tell you the energy and brain space that I engaged was huge. According to Benjamin Hardy, I believe that this unresolved mental issue was what created the tension in my stomach, causing the pain.
Also, the enemy doesn’t want you to be in tune, he will keep you busy fighting the wrong enemy. He will give you many worry assignments
So how did I overcome this? After I returned from Nigeria, God asked me to do an exercise. Write down all your fears and find a corresponding truth that will set you free. And I did.
One major thought I dealt with was:
That some people don’t like me and I also don’t like people that don’t like me and many more
Let me admit here that there will need to ask for forgiveness. I wrote all the fears plaguing me at the time. It was scary facing the thoughts coming from my heart. I wished I hadn’t deleted that note from my phone, I wish I can go back and see where I was but unfortunately I deleted it.
I am so grateful that God opened my eyes to see that I was using the life He gave me to gain people’s approval. And guess what I was a pastor. The process of finding scriptures that will set me free was a major path on my victory journey.
After this process, I began to use my mind space differently, I began to see people differently, I still met with people that I felt didn’t like me, but instead of being super sensitive around them, I focused on God’s love for me. After a while, that part of me was set free completely or should I say to a large extent.
You see if you want to become whom God made you, if you want to follow God’s plan for you each day, you must identify what has been limiting or pushing you. What has your thought pattern been like? Yours may not be expressed in form of stress-driven stomach ulcer, in short, it may just be your perfectionist tendencies, it may be the over-achiever tendencies, it may even be expressed in the way you push the people around you. Whatever the case is, this year must be a year of fulfilling God’s purpose. A year of trusting and obeying. You must get out of the rot of waiting and waiting hoping that things will magically change.
I have created a handy questionnaire that will help you through the victory process. Go over to olusobanjo.com/breakinglimits. Go get a copy there now.
Always remember that someone out there needs what God has put inside you and that greatness needs to come out.
Coming up we will discuss how the people pleasing lifestyle shows up on your path to purposeful living. Don’t miss it.Â
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